Monday, December 28, 2009

Ramblings = 1


I've been thinking last night.

I am not getting any younger (although my soul remains as youthful as ever. Gah.) and there are so many things out there that you tend to feel strongly about Time. Why must you move so fast, why do you crawl so slow and why is it when I finally learn to close my eyes, a decade has passed when I relearned how to open them again? Curse you, Chronos.

Anyway.

It bothers me how things are predetermined. Things that are meant to make you who you are. To identify yourself. To construct what would otherwise be known as identity. Try saying that word over and over again and what you get is just a twisted tongue, no meaning whatsoever. So what are you when words ceased to be meaningful?

Let me see, who am I:

1. Female
2. Malaysian
3. Muslim
4. Educator

And that's only the tip of the iceberg. Honestly, they were already predetermined with the exception of the last one and even then, the road I've chosen was already leading me there. I wonder what would have happened if my parents have allowed me to take the degree in music like I wanted back then. Would I have been a better individual? Or.. would I have been an unemployed gal receiving the other end of "I told you so". Woulda, coulda, shoulda. Hmmm.

Probably that is why I like to write, read and teach poetry. Because in poetry, you can be yourself, saying whatever you want to say, believing in things you want to believe because you know they are real and just letting yourself go. Rebelling again the status quo and the things they want you to do or say.. and the list goes on. Is this what escapism is all about? Or is it the first of many steps towards something called freedom?

Am still thinking.

Might even come up with a poem by the end of this chaotic thought process.

Sweet.

0 poetic mutterings: