Thursday, April 14, 2011

A Conversation With My Mufti




A Conversation with Ustazi

I met my Ustaz just now in the morning
I thought he did something brilliant coz he was beaming
so I told myself, this is it, the best time to ask him things
so I gave my salam and soon, the conversation started rolling.

Dearest Ustazi

Even though there are many questions bursting out of me
I'll practise self constraint and only ask two questions, maybe three
Ever since I was young, I was taught to speak out my mind
because if you don't, then you will never learn right Ustaz, may I?

"Sure dearest girl," he said "go ahead, but always remember
to never ever be disrespectful to your elder,
in order to avoid a whooping or two
even though what you want to say or do are sometimes true.

And to not hurt other people intentionally
as it is plain sinful and simply bitchy,
and if they do it to you,
take a minute or two,

Remember the prophets, ridiculed and wronged
Remember Mariam (not Mary ye, tu Kristian),
accused of having a child out of wedlock.
They were good and honest people
and they were helped by God."

Dearest Ustazi,

Truly I'm flattered, to these people you have associated
me to but I'm not a Prophet and certainly not a mother of one.
Immaculate conception doesn't really appeal to me
maybe much better suited for a nun.

"A nun?!" His voice boomed. He started to sweat profusely.
What did I just say? I wondered. Then, I felt guilty.

"Little girl," he thundered, "never blaspheme or even think of it
just do what you're told even if you tak paham the gist of it,
An excellent proof of this is the evil poco poco
It is bad for your faith, follow what I told you so.
Don't ask too much, I know more than you so just swallow.

For the devil's plan comes from an active mind,"
but Ustazi, wasn't it supposed to be an idle mind?

"The point is, little annoying lady
just think long and hard before you ask questions. You hear me?"
I nodded and I started asking, most sincerely:

The dinosaurs or Adam. Which one came first, O Wise Ustazi?

I heard him coughed, "Err next question please"

So I asked: Why rivers of milk and honey?
Give me champagne, let me now have halal whiskey, finally.

I heard him grumbled, "Next question please"

So I asked:
Why do men in heaven get thousands of bidadari?
Where's the equality?
First there's polygamy, now the queen of all virgins I have to be? Screw that,
No woman wants to share their husbands for all eternity and that is a fact.

And what about me? I want my share of 70,000 bidadara and bidadari
and if I am already in heaven, can I have them according to my fancy?
I want Angelina Jolie's lips, and yes, I want Brad Pitt's a--

That was when I heard the Mufti shouted
"PASS PASS PASS!

"Horrible girl, try not to even think out of the box (keep your silence)
I swear to God you'll end up with those crazy ones (I say no more questions)
Yes, those who refused to know between right and wrong.
Yes, those who insist to sing a different song.

Let me conclude this conversation little girl, if you cease to listen,
Be rest assured that there would be no reason
for the angel on your left to jot down all of your sins, happily,
while the one on your right drops dead of boredom, isn't that a pity?

So be a good girl, these are lessons to be learned.
Now go home girl, it is the end of our conversation."

Then off Ustazi goes,
probably thinking: "I've saved another soul"
While I stood there,
sticking my tongue out, thinking:

"What an --."

2 poetic mutterings:

Basma said...

In our time. To ask, to wonder, to seek are all works of shytan...We have to bow our heads, and not speak. A female's voice is awra!
Is it any surprise our religion is where it is today...

Sheena Baharudin said...

Dearest Basma,

From where I stand, this is how I see it:

If to ask, to wonder and to seek (which are all positive words loaded with good connotations, mind you) are works of Shytan, then woe to us all.

And where our religion is where it is today has more to do with the lack of love, faith and understanding. Why it is what it is, only God knows the truth.

In the meantime, I'll use my voice to learn by asking, to be grateful of all creations by wondering, and to find the divine design that connects us all by seeking :)

Thank you for your comment.

Love & Light,
Sheena