Monday, June 27, 2011

A (Monday) Reason to Laugh

Once upon a Monday, while attempting to understand (or much better known as googling) cultural relevantism, I stumbled into this blog with the exact same term. Thanks Google for the obviousness of it all.

There's a post titled "teaching old words new tricks" where he highlighted The Washington Post's published list of winning alternate meanings for various words AND new words with new meanings. I almost choked on teh tarik ok? Now, stop eating/drinking and start reading:
  1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
  2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
  7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
  8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
  9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
  12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
  13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
  14. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
  15. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
  16. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  17. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
  18. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  19. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
  20. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  21. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
  22. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
  23. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
  24. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  25. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
  26. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter When they come at you rapidly.
  27. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
  28. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into Your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  29. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
This is my favourite:

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

0 poetic mutterings: